Day 6 - Hardest thing I've experienced

*Note - Jonathan and I are heading off to the annual SDA Language Institute teacher's retreat in a few minutes. We won't be back until sometime on Monday and I have no idea if we'll have internet. But Jonathan is bringing his laptop so I'll be sure to make time to write about the daily topics and post them all when I get back, if I can't do it sooner. Sorry for making you wait... But, in the meantime, you can read this post from our Korea blog and watch us try to sing in a Korean choir. It might make you smile. :)

April challenge
Day 6 - What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

This is the easiest topic for me to write about so far. But the hardest to think about. When I looked through the list on Day 1, and saw the topic for today, I instantly knew what I would write about. The hardest thing I've ever experienced is saying goodbye to children that I love.

When I worked at Hogar Los Pinos Adventista in Guatemala City I fell in love with a beautiful baby boy on my first afternoon at the children's receiving center. His name was Dani and he was instantly "my" baby. A month or so after I arrived at the hogar, I talked to Anabela, the director, and learned his story. I have it written down in a notebook somewhere in my bedroom and can't remember all the details right now, but I do know he was abandoned by his mother when he was only a few weeks old. Health testing soon after showed he had inherited an STD from her (my brain can't recall which at the moment). He was about four months old when I arrived and I just realized last week that he is six years old now. I can't believe it's been six years since I last held him, since the last time I kissed his perfect cheeks! I often wonder what he's like now. Where he lives. If he got transferred to the ICC (International Children's Care) children's village several hours out of Guatemala City. Or if he got adopted and is living a happy, healthy life with a family somewhere. Or if one of his own biological family members found him and took him home to live with them for good. I don't know if I'll ever find out on this earth. But wherever he is, I'll always love him.

Smiley Dani-boy

Last year I worked in Tanzania, not at an orphanage, this time, but with ADRA. But, as luck would have it, the ADRA TZ campus happened to house an orphanage started up by the ADRA director's wife. So as soon as work was done for the day, I quickly changed my clothes and headed up to Cradle of Love for my fill of rambunctious, noisy, usually dirty, and completely adorable babies and toddlers. Since I didn't spend all day with the kids, I didn't form bonds with them as fast as many of the Cradle volunteers, but around late November I started forming an attachment with one precious little girl, Nina (you can read more about this here). Nina is an identical twin within a triplet set. I loved all three girls, but Nina quickly became "mine." Her story was quite different than Dani's. Nina and her sisters, Anya and Tessa, are Maasai and were born in a Maasai village along with their brother, Quinn. Their mother couldn't provide enough milk for four babies and they were taken to Cradle of Love to be cared for until they could return to their village. Sadly, Quinn died (I think of pneumonia) while at Cradle, but the three little girls grew and thrived. When I left they were two and a half years old and ready to move on. They were some of the most westernized kids at Cradle and we volunteers worried about them transitioning back to their Maasai village. All three girls were terrified of their father every time he came to see them and shrieked throughout most of his visits. And they were also afraid of the dark (or at least Nina was) and that could be a problem in a Maasai village where all the huts are small and dark, even in the daytime. This past fall all three girls were accepted into a Maasai boarding school in the city near Cradle and they'll grow up there together with other Maasai girls. I know it's not the same as being with family, but they'll have a good upbringing and lots of love and care. The good thing about this is that current volunteers and former ones who go back to Tanzania for a visit should be able to stop by and see the girls and give the rest of us updates on how they are doing. Unlike with Dani, I might be able to watch these three grow up, through pictures, videos, and stories from those who go to visit them!

L-R: Nina, Tessa, me, and Anya at Cradle of Love Baby Home

I know it was probably cruel of me to keep tickling Nina, but her laugh was just so adorable I couldn't help myself!

There's one more child I feel I have to mention here. And this one might have been the hardest experience of them all. I spent three and a half months with Dani and eight months with Nina. But I spent a year and a half with this boy. It was a fun time, and also a very hard, tough time. But if I had the choice I wouldn't go back and live that time without him. The boy was my brother Jeffrey and he came into my life when I was around 10 years old and he was six and a half. He fit into my family right between my younger sister, Bryna, and my youngest brother, Tyler. And for a year and a half he called my parents Mum and Dad and my siblings and I sisters and brothers. But, for many reasons, the adoption didn't work out between our family and Jeff. And when we were just getting used to him being in our lives, he was gone, back to living with his previous foster family. Our family had hurts then. Ones that didn't heal overnight or even over several months. Eventually, over the next few years the hurt dulled, but the memories never did. I haven't spoken to or heard from Jeff in 16 years. Now he would be nearing 24. I have no idea where he lives, what he does, or if he's even still alive. But in my mind, he's still my little brother. And I hope somewhere in his heart he still thinks of me as his older sister.

Q. kids 1995 Christmas picture